argh

Okay, I'm blogging out my bile of confusion. Here's what's up.
I spent a saturday night at work. (I'm still not sure that i got enough done for monday, although i definitely feel better. I swear this has to be the last weekend I work in 2006.)
I ruined an awesome christmas gift: gloves that i got ink on.
I'm tired, still a little sick, and I woke up feeling a bit blah today.
New Year's guy is going nowhere fast. So of course my mind is in full-throttle hindsight and self-recrimination gear.
I'm stressed out about some plans I'm making.
And almost as an aside, but of course, most fundamentally: I got an email today that a guy I went on a canoe trip on in September, not even 4 months ago, is dead. He had terrible stomach aches for months, and it turns out it was pancreatic cancer (new and fast-acting). He was like 32, and a great guy. I spent 2 hours loading his canoe on my car, not even 1/3 of a year ago with him.

Now to count my blessings today. deep breath.
- Matt (my friend, not my boss) called from London this morning. fabulous to talk with him. even more fabulous to civilly chat with him about things we feel violently oppositely about.
- last night's dinner for Janius' birthday was very fun. 8 people out in Ville-St-Laurent for sushi
- the last moments of last night involved laughing so hard I could barely breath about "lack of ram", with mira and janius
- i'm getting emails all over the place from awesome people (like erin & kaisa!)
- yesterday it was sunny and above freezing. I walked into work, it was amazing.
- also yesterday: a donut named Joe showed up at work. swear to god. It was a sign.
- i went for a brief run this afternoon in the balmy air and god, it made me happy.