rafting: the ultimate bond/mbing experience

Apparently two of the original (July 7) London bombers went rafting.

The first two guys at right are the suicide bombers. (Everybody else's face is blurred out) <The following exegesis is only going to be boring for the non-obsessive-compulsive types out there.\> The second guy is clearly a dumbass.

I worked as a whitewater rafting guide 2 summers ago. It was the best job of my life, probably because I was doing it half-time. So I have a few things to point out.

Take a look at the paddler on the far left, with his face blurred out. This is what everybody is supposed to be doing: bracing themselves as they go through the toughest waves. The guide clearly told them to secure themselves moments before, and this is the technique: Let go of your paddle with your lower hand, put that arm across the paddle so as to brace it to yourself and the boat, and grab the outer rope with your free hand. That way nobody gets the paddle in their teeth, and your neighbour keeps his eye.

Now take a good look at the picture. The first bomber guy, though obviously a little panicked since he's crouching low, is doing what he should and bracing himself.

The second guy, however, is giving the peace sign to the photographer. the PEACE SIGN.

His paddle is limply hanging free (gripped only by THREE fingers), ready to fly up and bloody his nose at the next wave crest. Clearly an idiot.

But the main point is: they look like normal city slicker goofs having a good time on a "wild" "crazy" "adventure". So what happened? Did they decide to go on a nice little "x-treme" adventure to celebrate their impending self-annihiliation?! WTF?

snarf on a whole nother level

"Remember that time you made me laugh
and people came out of my nose?"

jude law 1, pirate 0

funniest caption ever (at bottom)

underoos

I got a underoos chain-letter last week. The last time I got an actual chain-letter in the mail, I must have been like 11.

Anyway, Anne-Marie in the Q.C. sent it to me with the full badness of her heart. (How are those tats healing by the way, anne?)

It's a panty-pyramid scheme. Send one pair in the mail, copy the letter 6 times, and you get 36 new skivvies in... 2 weeks?

So, girls, who wants in? (sorry guys)

vacation ho

Christine's vacation countdown:
- 6 days til Dagny (of Norway) and Sheldon (of Alberta) and Kaisa (of Finland/Alberta) arrive in Montreal! we's goin' campin'. Jar hetter Fisk.
- 3 weeks til I visit Nanaimo and Newfoundland in the same week.
- 6 weeks til I see my folks at the cottage in Ontario, for the weekend.
- 8 weeks til I wallow in Prague; and London/Zurich.

and 1 day til I should be heading to Saguenay for the weekend to hang out with Janius & Annick. But I'm not. pooh. i'm spoiled enough.

London burning

I should be in bed, but...
So London was bombed today. I find this shocking and disturbing.
(Maybe because I can better imagine subway bombings; maybe i'm just more sympathetic)
My dear friend Matt lives there and I trust he's okay.
I have a few bad, bad things to say:
- Somehow it's easier when New York gets bombed. Britain is just not as simply vilified.
- I hope British Airways will drop their prices for September as a result. oh look, they have already!

world music, anyone?

The consensus on this year's Montreal Jazz Festival is that everyone is tired of it. It's basically just World Music. Which means Music not invented by White People.

I appreciate the bind the organizers are in. I mean, people don't actually want to see that many jazz acts. But you have to keep calling it a Jazz festival or else the Americans won't come. The cachet will be gone. People at your office will snicker if you show up at the company picnic wearing a "World Music Festival" souvenir t-shirt.

But c'mon. if AC/DC was playing Montreal in early July, they'd be on the bloody festival programme cover.

Air Canada is my bitch

I just scored plane tickets off AC for an absolute STEAL.
Get this: I fly
- Seattle -> Vancouver -> Toronto -> St.John's
- St.John's -> Montreal
ALL for the sweet sweet price of $687 including tax. Canadian. Somebody at Air Canada is going to get fired for this loophole.
Addendum: Yep, somebody just got fired. The listed price is back up to over $1000. ha!

camping, part deux

Scene: A 2-day camping trip to Mt-Orford provicial park: July 1-2. in which:
- christine and new-found friend christina go spontaneously camping. Christine books the last camping site in Quebec, (okay, west of the Plains of Abraham)
- our same-named friends are accompanied by 2 large baguettes and Bust magazine. And Harpers, Walrus, the New Yorker. It is an ersatz wilderness adventure.
- the lake at Mount Orford washes christina's contact out within seconds, leaving her half-blind for the rest of the trip
- christine demonstrates her "campcraft" by lighting 2 campfires. from scratch. boo-yeah! mmm... breakfast marshmallows.
- whilst swimming, some 14-year-old boys try to pick up our fair heroines (he! les filles!)... who are meanwhile distracted by the old people's nude beach they have stumbled upon.
- christina sets a record for rocking out to modest mouse over 21km of trail.
- two satisfying beers are enjoyed at the top of Mont Chauve (Bald mountain), while rain pours down and lighting strikes the next peak over
- many amusing stories are told, which cannot be repeated here or, um, ever.

And a hilarious, chill time was had by all. We're already legends in our own minds.

gay marriage and the single gal

I had iced coffee on a terrasse with my friend Annie tonight. I hadn't seen her in almost 2 years, since she moved to Vancouver.

We picked up right where we left off. We had almost completely lost touch. But it was amazing, the spark caught in the dry kindling very quickly. She makes me laugh really hard. I think she's the only person who's made me snarf, twice.

How is it possible to forget a connection you have with someone like that? (Well i guess if they never call that's what happens, there you go.)

3 summers ago, we pledged our contingent eternal troth: if we got to the age of 55 without ever settling down with men, we'd marry each other. It would be a purely platonic arrangement, with lots of extra-marital affairs allowed and yea, verily, encouraged. But man, what adventures we'd have.

And now, the eve before she arrives back in Montreal, parliament passed the same-sex marriage bill. coincidence? I think it's more like a tribute. Or a nudge.

next week's column: gay marriage and the sugar daddy.

camping? schmamping?

What I'm listening to: The State I'm In by Belle and Sebastian
...and so I gave myself to God.
There was a pregnant pause before He said "okay".

I just reserved the last free campsite in Quebec, over the internet, through the Sepaq site. I got a chill and a thrill down my spine when i discovered this was possible.

It feels so wrong! You're not "roughin' it" if you can book it over the internet!
This is worse than sheep cloning! Don't mess with nature this way! ...says the early-adopting consumer.